Why am I single?

A high school boyfriend has come back into my life and after four late night dog walking sessions, I am caught up on his love life to-date. As much as I've enjoyed hearing about how all these girls who are NOTHING LIKE ME have totally heart stomped him, any thoughts I may have had of rekindling the puppy love have been nicely quashed. Let's be honest, men are slow learners when it comes to love. Nice guys don't finish last because they're nice. They finish last because they keep following their penises instead of their brains. The penis, of course, does not care if the girl is sane or in any way compatible with you. It only cares if she looks a certain way. The penis has a slightly myopic world view.


Last night, as we're loading up our furry friends, he asked me why I'm single. God, I hate that question, especially from guys. I can always tell my grandma that I haven't found anyone with enough bad Karma to burn off, but how do you explain to a member of the opposite sex that a position has gone unfilled because no one qualified for the job has bothered to apply? How do I sum up a problem that my therapist wouldn't even touch?

I am single because:

1. I don't mind being alone, so there's not a huge incentive to date someone, anyone, just to avoid my own company.
2. I'm not hot. Say what you will about attraction being individual, I weigh 2XX pounds. We don't make the covers of magazines for a reason.
3. My IQ is in the top 5% and I don't care to spend my time with anyone who isn't nearly as intelligent as me. That rules out 90% of the population right off the top.
4. I have self-esteem/self-image issues. And not nice, tidy ones. In any given 24 hour period I can't believe how awesome I am or how much I suck.
5. I'm attracted to guys like my dad, but I know better than to actually get involved with them.
6. The rules of dating in today's world don't make any sense to me. I'm just not on board with let's have sex and then see if we like each other. Pretty sure it should be the other way around.
7. I'm also attracted to rescuers, but as I don't need rescuing, it never lasts.
8. I don't meet many single men in my age bracket. 
9. I get creeped out by the way guys talk to girls they are attracted to. I like being talked to like a human being, which guys only do if they've already friend-zoned you (yes, there is a friend zone for women).
10. Enough guys have been honest enough to tell me that they'd 'do' me but not date me that I'm starting to see that as my role in the romantic world - and it's not one I care to fill.
11. I'm sure there are at least a hundred more reasons.